This isn't easy. I'm not sure who thinks it is. It hurts when people say they understand me, because I know they don't. It also hurts when people completely brush me off because of it. I'm different. I'm an outcast. I'm made fun of. It's not easy in the slightest.
I find myself again unable to sleep, crying about the decisions I have to make and the situations I'm in.
"God, I just want an answer."
I thank Him for giving me Kelby, for he has been the happiness and strength in my life. He has a calming effect on me that leaves me satisfied and peaceful. I would have had a mental breakdown by now if I wasn't in this with him. Not a moment have I spent regretting him or being anything but glad I met him. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard to keep this up. Everyday there's new challenges to face, new insults to deal with, and more wondering about my future.
But God gives me encouragement in small things, and in big things. He encourages me with my LifeGroup, which is filled with people who give me hope. He encourages me with all the sweet qualities of my amazing man. And He encourages me in unexpected ways, like fortune cookies or smiles from my baby sister.
"Lord, there hasn't been any answers yet. But somehow, I know You have everything under control."
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